Updated: Jul 30, 2020
" Stay strong." "You can handle it." "My ride or die" "Therapy is for crazy people." "Never let them see you cry." "You are not broken." Since the beginning of time black women have worn strength as a badge of honor...but what happens when that badge keeps you silent? Because we have to show up and show out 10x better than the person standing next to us, we arent allowed to be vulnerable. Asking for help is the ultimate no no. We take care of everybody except ourselves and when we do "take care of us" it's usually external. Oh yes, honey we stay fly. Hair, makeup, clothes, cash and handbags our external self is lit. The only things covering our internal mess are the tears we cry in the shower, the frustrated screams in the car, our shaded red eyes and matte lipstick strained smiles. Whew Lord throw it all away!!
Help in any form is weakness, unless its to cure a physical illness, resolve a legal issue, increase our bank accounts or brand awareness. Now I'm definitely not knocking doctors, financial advisers, marketing strategists or lawyers (Hello)...we need ALL of those professionals. What I AM saying is we have to retrain our brains to think of a having a healthy mindset in the same manner...and reframe the word selfish! (A conversation for another day) We fight for seats at the table in our profession but that black girl magic does not show up in our personal lives.
Instead of striving to become a fully magical being, we're hiding behind the highlighted pages of the dozen self-help books sitting on the shelf, the gulity pleasures of reality TV, our businesses, babies, spouses, brands, being unbothered and dare I say it Prayers....because only God has heard our deepest wants, desires , needs and fears and even HE requires some action on your part. ( Faith without works is________????)
We're not going to therapy unless somebody drags us there after realizing it took us a week to text back, we stopped texting first and they havent literally heard the sound of our voice in forever...or the peace in our home is non existent because we're fighting so much with the ones we love that we hate to see their name pop up on our cell phone. At that point we're damn near drowning and in desperate need of REACTIVE crisis management...like an Olivia Pope/Annalise Keating/Iyanla/ "Fix it Jesus" rescue squad! But it doesnt have to be that way. We have to take out the mindtrash BEFORE it starts to stink! Of course, some circumstances are beyond our control & while we can't prevent them we definitely can get prepared! Enter a life coach.
No you dont have to be broken to work with a life coach. (although there are trauma oriented coaches) We all get stuck or need a decaffeinated confidence booster sometimes...and that person cant always be our sister or bestfriend. A life coach is trained to help you see YOU beyond your reflection in the mirror. The perfect Life Coach must be three things
1) Relatable & Real- an impartial, grounded, straight shooter to give you advice.
2) A Strategist-she must help you build an ACTION plan
(YES, I am for positive affirmations, mediation, prayer & breathing techniques as added tools to get you from point A to B but Sis real transformation means you have to DO something)
3) She must be an accountability partner- you can create and manifest the holy grail of plans but if you're not working the plan it wont matter. Don't be confused though consistency isn't all about will power & discipline. When life gets in the way we need somebody to help put us back on track.
So Yes, your coach must be the Coaching Trinity in order for you to get the most out of the experience. Oh, and before we even get to those requirements you should know that every life coach has a specialized focus...well they should and if they dont run...(Just my two cents because the blind cant lead the blind honey.) I am a futuristic transformational coach meaning I help you transform your mindset and take action towards reaching your highest potential. That includes increasing your self awareness, confidence and bank account (Hello!)...and I do it all through Journaling.
Listen, we all wanna GO, GROW & GLOW personally and professionally and because life is freaking hard even Superwoman needs help sometimes and it aint nothing wrong with that!!
Until Next Time,
Live Intentionally, Live on Purpose!